It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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