the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
