I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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