Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize