When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
