Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
