forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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