Tell her she can't have a vagina
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
