I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
