i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
