we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
