you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
