Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
