Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
