I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
