He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
