And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
