Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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