just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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