I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
