Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
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