Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
