i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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