dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
