so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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