If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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