Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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