Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
