i need an iv and a liver transplant
no, he came in my armpit
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
