we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
In America we eat man semen.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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