When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
