i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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