after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize