I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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