just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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