when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
