Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
