its not stalking. its research.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
