I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
