I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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