The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
