So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
