Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
