There was a lot of him and a little penis
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
