so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
