where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I am in a vortex of obligation.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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