You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
