I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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