I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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