You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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