If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
