i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
