I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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