I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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