hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
