You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize