I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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