You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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