I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
