Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
