Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
