I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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