If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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