eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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