Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So many bounce houses so little time
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
