tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
